I have therapy this morning ( thought it was yesterday but no today is my appt)
and theres A LOT and I mean A LOT I need to say A LOT I have been holding in past few weeks and I am afraid of what my letting it out will do to the person I will be talking about if it were to get back to them??
As my therapist said I hold it all in and then get stressed and then I explode and right now as I am typing this I am starting to panic/have anxiety.
WHY am I so afraid of my feelings and of saying how I feel and why I feel that way??
I’m afraid to be with someone, I’m afraid to say how I feel I’m afraid to speak my mind I’m just afraid of everything!
I’m afraid that certain life changing things arent going to happen for me and I’m afraid if/when they do I wont be able to deal with them.
I want a relationship ; a real, honest to goodness, loving, trusting, reliable, kind, gentle, compassionate, tender, sensitive MAN who loves kids and dogs ( animals in general but especially dogs) someone who can make me laugh someone whos as silly as I am who quotes movie lines and laughs when noone else does, and definitly a man who can cook.. wouldnt hurt if he was Italien either. =)
someone who wants a family and a house and life together with me.
no games no bullshit.
I’m 27 I want a husband and a family and a house.
Whats it gonna take for me to have that??
Granted I dont have the best taste in men I pick assholes guys who treat me like shit string me along for years and then fuck me over.
I would’ve married you, been a good wife to you, given you kids but you dont want that apparently, YOUR loss.
and I DESERVE to be happy with someone who wnats to be happy right along with me.
STRESS….. lately EVERYTHING has been getting me stressed out.. walking my dogs together, my family, ppl bothering me etc just everything gets to me to where I get pissed off.. I am currently OUT of my medication and havent had any in a few weeks.. maybe that has something to do with it??
Fuck society. Fuck normality. Get piercings. Get tattoos. Do drugs. Get high. Drink until you pass out. Have sex. Love with all your heart. Play the music loud. Live your fucking life. Fuck what people expect of you. Do what makes you happy.