yesterday was my sisters’ birthday and it was a pretty great time.
though I couldnt help but miss my aunt and uncle so so much.
I am always going to miss them like crazy and its always going to feel like they just died and its always gonna feel like any minute they’re gonna walk through the door
and everytime I drive by their house I’m always gonna want to see my uncle doing yard work and their car in the drive way
everytime I hear certain songs I’m gonna wanna just go back and have them here again have everything be normal again as it was when they were here but it wont ever be again.
Those things are never gonna change.
Because when you lose people who mean so much to you who had such an impact on your life and who you are you lose part of yourself, part of you dies.
Nobody in my life can take their place in my life, nobody can replace them its impossible.
They were two of the most AMAZING, kindest, loving, special, giving, generous, selfless, people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and they were also in love for over 56 years.
they were and will always be for me the example of a perfect marriage and a great love because never in all my life have I ever seen two people love each other more or look at each other the way those two did with each other.
I wish I had had a chance to say goodbye but I didnt and I think thats how it was supposed to be.
Some days I’m fine then there are the days where I miss them so much I cant breathe that I just wanna sit and cry and I just want them to be back here again so I can say all the things I never said so I can say goodbye and just get a few more minutes with them together.
You think you have forever but you dont
you think you’ll always have time to say all the things you wanna say to the people you wanna say them too but you dont
somehow time runs out and you lose out and you have to live with all the things you never got to say.
I’m not a little kid anymore but I need them I need them to tell me everything is gonna be ok and I’m gonna be ok and everything that I worry about will be ok too
When your young you think people will live forever that time never runs out that people never die that everything lasts forever but it doesnt
people you dont expect too die and people you never thought would die do
you lose people you never thought you would in ways you never expected.
I wanna go back to being 18 or 19 when there was still time
I need to talk to them to hug them just for a second because that would fill the huge hole in my heart even if ever so briefly would mean everything.
its been a year 1/2 since he died 9 months since she died.
sept 8 woulda been her 80th birthday.
when does this go away?
when will I not cry just by writing about them or thinking of them or listening to a sad song??
I am still so angry at them for leaving me for not saying goodbye for not giving me the chance to say goodbye to say all the things I didnt get too say.
I’m angry and upset that I have to go through life without them that they cant share in all the memories.
Its just not fair.
I’m upset that they wont be able to see me get my ged, go to college and graduate, get a job, get married they wont be able to see any of it and that pisses me off more than I can say.
I’m sure theres a reason for all of it but right now I cant see it.